The Body of Christ

I have had a hard week.  Reality has really started to sink in and I have not felt full of hope like in the first few weeks.  However, the dear people that God has placed in our life have continued to cheer us on and pray for us.  A friend of mine, Ginger Friesen, talks about reaching out to people that the Lord puts on her heart so that they “don’t fall of the edge.” I have felt that the past week- that each text, email, or prayer has truly kept me going.  Through conversations with different people about how to walk this road well, I have realized that I need to do more to be really prepared for Eleanor’s birth.  Some of that looks like knowing where our burial spot will be, having a gown for her to wear, and thinking through the memorial service.  I am glad people have told us that it is okay to do all of those things while still holding out hope.  It doesn’t mean we have given up, it just means that it will make the time after she is born much easier if she doesn’t make it.

Here are some of the ways that our friends and family have really blown us away during the past month.  David and I have learned so much about how we want to love and serve people going through hard things in the future.  What an example our family and friends have been to us about how to be the hands and feet of Christ.

-My friend Sara Davis sends me scripture ALL the time. She lets me know she is praying for me ALL the time.  I have friends who text me constantly to check in and keep on texting even if I don’t text back.

-I have been sent the sweetest letters and gifts in the mail.  My college besties sent me a beautiful ornament at Christmas with Ellie Mae’s name on it.  I have been given a book from a friend of a friend by Sally Lloyd Jones called Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing. I have been reading this to Ellie Mae every day.

-So many people have offered practical help such as bringing meals or offering to babysit our children while we go to doctors appointments or to have rest.  Moms from my school have sent meals home and offered to clean my house.

-One of David’s college roommates invited him to coffee.  He cried while David told his story and prayed with him. As a wife, I appreciate this so much because I know David doesn’t have as many people to talk through everything with.

-Our new pastor at our Grace TR campus has called David multiple times and prayed with him, offered direction, and talked through a memorial service.  His family is also going through a similar situation and they may be losing their first and only grandchild soon.  He has not mentioned his burden, only reached out to David with reassurances of the Lord’s kindness and sovereignty.

-My partner teacher at school did my lesson plans for me for two weeks after that first ultrasound and while we were waiting to learn more.  She has done SO much for me at school and gave a beautiful worship cd to my girls.

-Another group of my college besties has offered to do the really hard stuff like find out about a burial spot and order a premie gown for pictures in the hospital and for burial. They have told me repeatedly to send them the hardest jobs, the things I cannot do.  (two of them are pregnant, who are they?)

-The photographer who did our wedding offered to come to the hospital and take pictures for us.

-Many of our ultrasounds have been done at no charge.

-I have a friend named Rebecca who grew up in the same town that I did.  We were never close, just have many mutual friends.  I have admired her life and her testimony over the past few years.  She lost her first daughter named Cora Kimberly who was stillborn due to a medical condition called limb-body wall syndrome.  She has since had another daughter and adopted a son from Ethiopia, such gorgeous children.  It has been neat to see how God has allowed her family to grow.  She is now going through her second pregnancy loss as her daughter she is carrying now, named Layla, has anencephaly.  We are only one gestational week apart this time in our pregnancies.  She has reached out to me and given me medical advice and spiritual advice even though she is carrying crazy amounts of grief herself.  Because of her story with Cora I started following an organization on Instagram called #Standforlife a few years ago.  Watching her walk through her pregnancy with Cora and hearing so many stories like hers through the Stand for Life organization has prepared me for my pregnancy with Eleanor Mae.  It taught me that a mother’s job is to love her child fiercely and give their life value no matter what.  She is a high-risk sonographer at Duke and has looked at all my ultrasound photos and reports with me because I have no idea what a lot of the things mean.  She is brilliant and one of the strongest people I know.  She has faced way too much hardship in her life and her faith is incredibly strong.  One of the best gifts she has given me is a worship cd that has not been taken out of the cd player in my car since it arrived in the mail.  It just so happens that the friend who made that cd for her during her pregnancy with Cora is the friend that helped lead me to Christ in college.  Isn’t God always at work in the tiniest of details?  There is one song I love particularly called “Your Hands” by JJ Heller.  I wish I was tech-savvy and could upload a video of it.

Here are a few of the lyrics:

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

Here is a link to Rebecca’s blog: https://joshandrebeccashrader.wordpress.com/2017/11/16/meet-layla-kate/  This is her last blog post, but you should go back and read some of her earliest ones about Cora as well.

-I have had a sweet neighbor leave flowers, hot chocolate, cute gifts, and delicious meals for us.  She is an answered prayer in itself because when we moved in to this neighborhood I prayed for a friend to do life with.  We have play dates all the time with our kids and love each other’s families.  She has been so kind to me during this time and has been a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

-One of my oldest friends send us a gift card to a super fancy restaurant to go on a date and make a fun memory.  She checks on me all the time as well.

-My old community group leaders went through something very similar.  They were told that there would be no way for their son to make it through birth due to a rare form of dwarfism.  His lungs should have never developed because of how extremely small his rib cage was.  He is one of the unusual cases I have heard about of how the doctors were wrong concerning Cohen’s life span.  Cohen celebrated his tenth birthday this year!  Chris and Emily had us over for coffee last weekend and talked to us about all the ways they prepared for Cohen’s birth and death.  They pulled out their old prayer list and prayed the same prayers over Eleanor that they had prayed for Cohen.  They told us it was okay to still have days full of joy and laughter or let several hours pass by without even thinking about Eleanor’s diagnosis.  They said it is okay to be scared of the special needs Eleanor will have if she lives.  All those things that are hard to talk about were able to be processed out loud with them and it was lovely.

-So many women have bravely shared their similar stories with me and what the grieving process looked like for them.  It has allowed me to take a deep breath and realize that while it is scary now, everything will be okay, even if I lose my child.

-People that I have just met in recent weeks send me prayers like this:

Heavenly Father, please gently lead Marianne as she caries Eleanor Mae close to her heart. If it would please You, please heal Eleanor completely. We know You love Eleanor. We know You will walk with her in the valley of the shadow if You take her there. Help her know how much she is loved by her family as she hears the steady, secure beat of Marianne’s heart. May the peace You have promised hold each member of this family in a way that is beyond what we could ask or imagine. In the name of Jesus who weeps along with us, Amen

-My mom and sister have been the best and have done too many kind things to try and list.  Most of all, they just make life feel normal.

Isn’t it all amazing?  People are too kind and God has used their gifts to bless us in so many ways.  Our appointments with the perinatal team at the hospital and at the OB office for growth measurements were cancelled today due to tons of snow.  We are enjoying our snow day with the girls and having David home.  I will update more on Eleanor Mae after our appointments have been rescheduled.

If you don’t already follow #standforlife on Instagram, would you consider doing so?  I am thinking that this would be the organization we might choose to let people give to in honor of Eleanor Mae’s life if she does pass away in lieu of flowers.  I need to talk to David more about that.  I never want anyone who reads this blog to feel like I am trying to discuss abortion at all.  This would never be the place; this blog is only meant to update my family and friends about Eleanor.  I have people I love with all my heart who feel differently about abortion than I do and who are post-abortive.  My church has hundreds of women who are post-abortive.  I have no judgement for women who have found themselves in a place where they are considering abortion and have only compassion and empathy.  I realize that people who have chosen abortion in the past did not make that decision lightly and that it a scary place to be.  The #standforlife organization never discusses abortion in a way that is judgemental.  It does tell stories of women who were in an abortion clinic and ended up choosing life instead from time to time.  Most of the stories are stories like Eleanor’s.

Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, and love!